A major cause of stress is the absence of genuine, sincere attention. I see this lack of attention a lot around me when I observe conversations or engage in them myself. Distraction from a phone, stress due to a busy schedule, already thinking about ‘what comes next’: these are things that constantly distract us from what we are currently doing.
And then, the real attention is missing, just as the dept of that conversation and connection with your conversation partner.
Asking each other questions and genuinely being interested in the answer, without immediately pouring your own sauce or story over it. Two increasingly rare qualities, I discovered when I read the wonderful book by Elke Wiss, Socrates op sneakers.
no real connection leads to stress
In my opinion, the absence of attention and concentration are also factors of stress. If we don’t give ourselves the time to be present in the moment and thereby truly pay attention to what we are doing at that moment, we are doing too much. Then you overload your working memory, your heart, and you enter a fight or flight mode.
A nervous system that is always on, an overactive sympathetic nervous system, is meant for one thing: a crisis situation. Real attention and presence occur when you are in your rest and digest mode, when your parasympathetic nervous system is active. So that you can actively listen in a relaxed state and actually digest the information. With relaxed shoulders, a relaxed body.
Do you often experience fleeting conversations, and are you already focused on your next task or meeting during such a conversation? Is your phone constantly in sight? Do you frequently feel restless or tense in your shoulders or legs?
If you honestly observe your own behavior, how many “yes” answers came to mind for the above questions? Know that this can be different.
build genuine connections
It this takes time and patience to learn to observe how you communicate and what happens in your body at the same time. It takes time to learn to ask questions, listen attentively, and give sincere attention to your conversation partner.
I would be happy to help you develop these skills. From my own pain and experience, I have felt how much genuine attention was lacking in conversations. How much goes wrong in connecting with others and how much stress that causes. I know how it felt and still feels.
Get in touch with me or schedule an intake call. Let’s work together to bring back that attention and connection.