In this blog series, we dive into the story of Carlijn van Hengstum. Carlijn is currently following the Vinyasa Yoga Teacher Training, and in this series, she takes us along on her experiences and journey. Follow her story in Diary of a Yogi.
1. MY JOURNEY THROUGH YOGA TEACHER TRAINING
My name is Carlijn, I’m 38 years old, and I live in Amsterdam Noord with my partner and our two children (aged 3 and 5). About 15 years ago, I was first introduced to yoga: Bikram Yoga, to be exact. A close friend of mine was teaching there and encouraged me to join a class. Despite a lot of resistance, I finally stepped onto the mat for the first time. It was an intense 1.5 hours, but at the same time, it stirred something inside me that I had never felt before. What began as a physical challenge then turned into an emotional release when I came out of camel pose with tears rolling down my face.
That’s when I realised yoga is so much more than just a physical practice. Before long, I was taking classes several times a week, joined a 100-day challenge, and couldn’t imagine my life without it. My interest in yoga kept growing, and I discovered Ashtanga Yoga and Mysore. During my pregnancies, I found a more gentle way of yoga through prenatal yoga, followed by Yin Yoga and Vinyasa Yoga.
In this blog, I’ll share more about my journey as a yogi. Why I decided to take a teacher training, and my experiences during the Vinyasa Yoga Teacher Training with Selma van der Graaf.
2. HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN IT’S TIME FOR A YOGA TEACHER TRAINING?
For 10 years, I’ve known I wanted to take a yoga teacher training. But when is the right moment and which course should I choose? How could I balance this with my work and family life? In 2022, I first walked into Yogaschool Noord and immediately felt at home. The atmosphere was welcoming. The people were kind and diverse, and the teachers were skilled and inspiring.
I attended many different classes and came across the Vinyasa Yoga Teacher Training. So I read more about it, and it resonated exactly with what I had in mind. Authentic teaching: having the confidence to stand in front of a group and share what I have to offer. A journey of personal development: learning more about myself so that the choices I make truly bring me joy. And a journey into the world of yoga: discovering how to integrate yoga into daily life beyond the physical practice on the mat.
But in the winter of 2023/2024, I got really sick with a bad lung infection. My body told me to slow down, I was sick for weeks, and it was time to take a break and rest.
I strongly felt at the time that something needed to change. For instance, I needed more time for myself in the busy family life and a better balance between everything I love. Therefore, the yoga teacher training came up again. So I reached out to Selma, the head teacher of the Vinyasa Yoga Teacher Training. I felt the need to talk to her and was looking for confirmation on whether this was really the right moment for me and if the training would be a good fit.
So, I shared with Selma my love for yoga: how calm I feel after a class, how I have more patience with my kids when I practice yoga regularly, and how it helps keep my body flexible so I can move without pain. She listened to my story and asked the right questions that led to the confirmation and trust I needed to sign up. What was I waiting for? After the conversation, I signed up right away. I felt excitement, happiness, and positive tension. Finally, I’m really doing this! It feels right because I’ve been dreaming of it for so long..
3. GETTING READY FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER: THE ANTICIPATION HAS BEGUN!
In the lead-up to the yoga teacher training, I’ve turned my personal practice into a routine. Every morning, while the kids have breakfast, I roll out my yoga mat. Connecting with my body, breathing, and moving.
To get to know Selma better and find more inspiration, I signed up for her online platform and followed several of her online classes. This worked really well alongside my job and family life. It feels so good to practice more yoga and join these classes! It all feels so natural now, and I’ve even found it harder not to do it than to just keep going.
As I’ve been practicing more and more yoga, I’ve started to feel what does and doesn’t feel right for me and my body. Caffeine hits me harder, and alcohol doesn’t sit well anymore. I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with alcohol, so I decided to listen to my body and stop drinking it altogether. I thought I’d find it difficult, but it’s been the opposite.
Because I can’t wait to start the training, I’ve already ordered all the books and plan to take them with me on vacation this summer. The anticipation is real, and I’m so excited to start diving in. The training begins the week of my 38th birthday. A gift I couldn’t imagine giving myself.
4. THE FIRST WEEKEND OF THE TEACHER TRAINING
Today is Friday, 11 October 2024, the day the yoga teacher training begins. I’ve been preparing for days. I feel excited, a little nervous, but mostly very curious. Curious about what we’ll be doing and curious about the other participants. I’ve carefully laid out everything I want to bring: a notebook, a warm jumper, socks, and some food. Childcare is arranged, and once that’s sorted, I hop on my bike.
On Fridays, we always start at 5:00 pm. We kick off this first day with an introduction round. Everyone has brought a personal item from home that holds meaning for them and shares about it. I find it remarkable how safe the atmosphere feels right away. Everyone is so open even though I’ve only just met them.
During this first weekend, we dived straight into the world of yoga. Besides the poses I already knew from classes, I was introduced to the chakras, the history of yoga, anatomy like bones and joints, and we even practiced teaching each other briefly with Surya Namaskar A, Sun Salutation in Sanskrit.
We paid special attention to the first chakra: the root chakra, Muladhara chakra in Sanskrit. We explored our own roots and personal foundations.
I’ve never felt so hungry to learn. Every word resonates deeply.
One of the yoga classes this weekend focuses on Ganesha, the god of knowledge and wisdom. Selma shared the story of Ganesha and how he symbolises the protector of travellers, capable of removing obstacles from their path. We ended the class by chanting a mantra: Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha. My heart felt so warm while singing together. It was such a special and powerful experience.
Alongside all the yoga teachings, we also discussed other beautiful wisdom traditions, like ‘The Four Gates of Speech’ from a Sufi tradition. It’s an incredibly insightful tool that advises speaking only if your words pass through these four gates: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it helpful, does it add to the moment? Is it kind? I noticed how this insight affected me. Suddenly, I became more mindful of what I say and when I choose to speak. I love talking, but is filling the space with words always needed?
During the training, we shared meals in potluck style, meaning everyone brought something from home. It was a real feast with so much delicious food. Both body and mind are nourished in this training, literally and figuratively.
As the weekend came to an end, I felt filled with joy, gratitude, and inspiration. Saying goodbye was bittersweet. I found it hard to step out of the bubble and head home. I wish I could hold onto this feeling for as long as possible.
5. Between Two Worlds: The Impact of the First Training Weekend
The transition from the first training weekend back to daily life and work feels challenging. It has stirred up so much in me that on Monday, tears roll down my cheeks without me actually feeling sad. I feel this special weekend, the bubble I was in, still resonating in my system. I feel vulnerable, powerful, and more certain than ever about my decision to join the yoga training. It is better than I could have ever dreamed. Selma’s words and everything we learned are still echoing in my head.
During this first weekend, I gained so many new insights. For example, Selma teaches us to really explore how a posture, an asana, feels for us personally. Of course, certain instructions are important to ensure a pose is safe, but every body is different. If, in Mountain Pose, it feels more stable for you to place your feet slightly apart, then that is what’s best for you. This was a revelation for me! I had always thought your feet had to be placed exactly together.
At home, every morning when I wake up, I play the playlist Selma made for us. “Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha” plays through the speakers. Softly, I hear my children singing along. Their quiet singing gradually grows louder and more enthusiastic. Later, as we cycle together, the three of us sing at the top of our lungs. A man passing by smiles at us. I see recognition in his face and making me feel warm of happiness.
I feel excited when we receive an email from Selma: homework for the training! Between the training weekends, we are invited to read, practise yoga, and dive deeper into the material. For instance, we are given questions to discuss about the Muladhara Chakra during our peer group sessions. Within the training, we have these peer groups. Small groups that meet up every month. During these sessions, we share experiences, have guided discussions, practise yoga together, and go through our homework. I’m looking forward to seeing my fellow yogis again, sharing experiences, and deepening my learning.
6. From Sharing to Teaching: Learning Together in Yoga Training
This afternoon, I’m meeting with my peer group for the first time. We’re allowed to use the studios at Yogaschool Noord, but for this meeting, we’re gathering at someone’s home. We’ve agreed to take turns preparing a class, so we can practise teaching and learn from each other.
In our homework, there are questions we can ask each other related to the Muladhara chakra. Questions like: “Where do you feel at home?” or “What is one childhood memory that still gives you a warm feeling?” I’m really excited to see my fellow yogis again and hear how they’re doing. For me, I’m noticing it’s challenging to balance my family, the yoga training, and a 32-hour workweek. My priorities are starting to shift: yoga is becoming a bigger part of my life, and I feel the need to make more time for it. So I am wondering how they are handling all this.
Back to the peer meeting. It feels special how comfortable and warm it feels to see each other again. We catch up on the past few weeks and then begin the inquiry. One person speaks while the other asks questions. When we ask the questions, we only listen without responding. I notice how open I am while sharing, even when it comes to personal things that go quite deep.
It feels so natural to do this. It’s nice to discover how much we relate to each other, but also to see how different we are. These differences complement each other beautifully, making the meeting inspiring. We end the session with a yoga class led by one of my fellow yogis. It’s amazing to see how she already guides us and to receive from her. I leave with a full heart, feeling grateful.
7. A Weekend of Emotion, Transformation, and Breath
It’s Friday 15 November 2024. I’m getting ready for the second yoga weekend. My emotions are running high; something has happened that has deeply affected me. I also notice a slight nervousness about the weekend ahead. I feel vulnerable.
This weekend is all about the Sacral Chakra, Svadhisthana. We begin with a yoga practice, which helps me settle, moving out of my head and into my body. It always amazes me how healing physical practice can be. After class, we sit in a circle, taking turns to speak and share whatever we feel called to. When it’s my turn, I allow my emotions to flow freely. It’s a relief, creating space for me to be fully present for the rest of the weekend.
We explore Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras ancient teachings that delve into the nature of human existence and how we can transform suffering into harmony within ourselves and the world around us. It’s fascinating to realise that yoga is not really about the poses or how we move our bodies. Instead, it’s about how we relate to ourselves and others, how the breath can be a tool for calm, and the deeper purpose of meditation.
Patanjali’s words offer me so much inspiration. They feel like a foundation from which to live, shifting my perspective on life’s challenges.
On Saturday, we have a masterclass on the pelvis with Esther van Voorst. She speaks about it with incredible passion, and I realise how much there is to discover. I had never known that we store so many emotions in the pelvis. After the masterclass, we move into dance, activating the Sacral Chakra. It’s liberating to move freely, no overthinking, just letting go. With each step, I feel myself getting closer to my core.
On Sunday, we close the weekend with a conscious connected breathwork session, guided by Selma and Lútzen. I’ve never done this before, but I decide to fully surrender to the experience.
I lose all sense of time. A whole spectrum of emotions rises and falls. I cry, I scream, I feel ecstatic and deeply sad. Such a release. I can’t quite put into words what happened.. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. Afterwards, I sit in silence for a moment, just absorbing it all.
We finish with a big group hug. What a weekend, what a training. What an experience.
8. Boundaries, Choices, and Change: The Impact of the Second Weekend
I wake up on Monday morning after the second weekend of teacher training feeling unwell. The breathwork session is still lingering in my body. My hands are still tingling, I have a headache, I feel nauseous and lightheaded. Luckily, from this week onwards, I’ve reduced my working hours from 32 to 28. This change couldn’t have come at a better time. I message Selma to share how I’m feeling and ask for advice. I follow her suggestions, and slowly, I start to feel a bit better.
That afternoon, I have a meeting at work. I notice how disconnected I feel from the space around me. My perception is different, almost as if I’m tripping, such a strange sensation. In the days that follow, I notice shifts within myself. I set clearer boundaries at work, I no longer tolerate things I used to accept, and everything seems much clearer.
I start asking myself questions: Does this job truly make me happy? What is really important to me? I also feel more connected to myself, and as a result, more connected to others. Especially my children. I move through my days with full attention, fully present in everything I do.
This week, besides my daily practice, I’ve taken a yoga class every day. It has helped me integrate everything that happened during the yoga weekend and keep my emotions flowing. I was grateful to see Selma and Lútzen again at the yoga school after a week. It’s not easy to put into words what kind of processes have been set in motion, so it felt extra meaningful to share this with the people who are on this journey with me.
It feels like something inside me has shifted. As if a new layer of awareness has been touched, and I’m rediscovering myself. This weekend didn’t just stir something up, but it created a lasting change. I don’t yet know exactly where it will lead, but one thing is clear: there’s no turning back. And that feels right.
9. Learning to lead: my first teaching experience
This afternoon I am meeting my peers for our second intervision session. This time, we’re meeting in the gym hall of the school where one of them works.
For this session, I’ve prepared a class: so exciting! I’ve practised teaching with my partner and a friend before, but this feels different. I’m so used to being on the mat and receiving guidance. Now, I’m on the other side, leading the practice.
I’ve built a sequence with camel pose as the peak. This pose has completely changed the way I look at yoga. I loved planning the class, working towards the peak pose with all the knowledge I’ve gained in the training so far. I’ve already learned so much about anatomy, the purpose of poses, and structuring a class.
The class goes well, though I notice I’m still quite careful in my instructions. My feedback reflects this: I’m told I could be more confident. But I truly enjoy teaching, experimenting, and practising with the others of the teacher training. It’s making me realise that I want to do this more.
After the class, we do an inquiry session. We take turns asking each other different questions, and when someone responds, the others listen without reacting. It’s such a wonderful way to speak freely and truly listen. The questions revolve around desires, expressing emotions, and feelings of shame and guilt. Topics that bring up a lot.
We surprise each other with our answers; this time, we go deeper, emotions are welcome. We’re getting to know each other on a whole new level, and that feels like a gift.
10. A Fire Within: The Third Yoga Weekend
Today is the 20th of December. The Christmas holidays have started. I feel a bit run down, and my immune system is low. Oh, December is always such a busy month. So I’m extra happy to kick off the holidays with the yoga weekend. I can’t imagine a better place to feel a bit off. Stepping back into that bubble, giving attention to body and mind, and letting myself be carried by everything that will unfold. I’m excited to see everyone again and curious about what we’ll be learning and doing.
This weekend is all about the third chakra, the solar plexus, Manipura in Sanskrit. As we enter the yoga room, I see candles burning. The fire that will symbolically stay with us all weekend. After an opening circle, we begin with a practice themed around Samana Vayu. It’s a class where I can really feel my inner fire, supported by the activating breathing technique Kapalabhati.
There are a lot of twists in this class. It feels like I’m wringing out all the toxins from my body: a wonderful sensation. I also experience the breathing technique Nadi Sodhana for the first time. This technique helps balance the left and right hemispheres of the brain. That drained feeling from earlier in the day is already much lighter after the session. Yoga truly is healing!
The next day, the class focuses on balancing duality: yang and yin energy. Selma’s thematic classes always inspire me.
After the practice, we dive deeper into various asanas. We learn when muscles are strengthened, when they are lengthened, and most importantly: the purpose behind each pose. Next, there’s a lesson on fascia, connective tissue, why it’s so important to keep it healthy and how yoga helps with that. Later, we work together to build a yoga class. Selma guides us step by step through how to structure a class. I notice how much I enjoy it. It leaves me wanting more.
We close the day by reflecting on the five kleshas: mental obstacles that, according to yogic philosophy, cause suffering and keep us from inner freedom and peace. Each of us chooses a klesha that resonates, writes it down on paper, and burns it one by one in the fire.
On Sunday, we finish with a masterclass by Karolien Lammens on Bhakti yoga. Karolien has such a beautiful way of sharing and takes us along in her stories and wisdom. We end by singing the mantra ‘Govinda Jaya Jaya.’ Even though my voice isn’t at its best that day, I sing wholeheartedly. It unexpectedly moves me. A tear rolls down my cheek. So beautiful. I make a mental note to sing this mantra with my children too.
And once again, we ate so well this weekend. It feels like a little celebration every time. Sharing meals together really connects us.
11. Taking Yoga Into Daily Life: A New Balance
I couldn’t have asked for a better place to integrate everything from the third yoga teacher training weekend. I’m on Ibiza with my family. We’ve been given the chance to stay at my friend’s house, soaking up the sun, surrounded by nature, feeling the sand beneath my bare feet. Even on holiday, my daily yoga practice continues. And with the stillness I feel here, I notice my practice deepening. I can check in with myself on a much deeper level, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this relaxed in my life.
Waves of happiness, gratitude, and love flow through me and it all feels more intense. My senses are wide open.
Back home, I decide to create a mood board for 2025, bringing my wishes and intentions into focus. More than ever, I feel a deep clarity about what I truly need. I frame the mood board and hang it on the wall, a daily reminder of the direction I want to move in.
Just before the holiday, I made the important decision to reduce my working hours from 28 to 24 per week. A step towards more balance, more space for the things that matter most to me right now: my family and yoga. This shift allows me to dive deeper into the world of yoga, and that’s exactly what I want most at this moment.
12. Developing Our Own Teaching Style
It feels like such a long time since we last saw each other, so I’m especially happy to meet up with my intervision buddies today. It’s nice to hear about their experiences from the past month and exchange our thoughts. This time, we first meet at Sorcha’s place, and afterward, we’re lucky to use the yoga space at Yogaschool Noord.
At Sorcha’s, we begin with Inquiry where ask each other a question and thenreally listen without responding, judgement, or wanting to fix or help. One of the topics we discuss is setting boundaries. I receive feedback that my growth in this area is really visible in my story. I see it myself too and realise that the past months and the teacher training have contributed to this. Once again, I’m surprised and happy to notice how intimate these conversations are and how much we share with each other.
Sometimes it almost feels like therapy. No psychologist, just two kind women who listen without judgment.
After our exchange, we head to Yogaschool Noord, where Sorcha is giving us a yoga practice. It’s so fun to experience because we each bring our own background in yoga, and I can already see that we’re developing our own teaching styles.
For this intervision meeting, Selma also gave us an assignment: to prepare a lesson together, which we’ll teach each other during the next weekend. We plan to do this online later, as the afternoon has flown by once again.
13. Breath by Breath Growing Into Teaching
Today is January 24th: time for the fourth yoga weekend. As usual, I feel excited, restless, nervous, and most of all, thrilled. Today feels extra special because I’ll be giving my first short meditation to the group. Each of us gets a turn during the training, and today it’s my turn.
This yoga weekend is centered around the heart chakra: Anahata. We start, as always, with a sharing circle and a practice. The theme of the practice is the myth of Hanuman, with the peak pose being Hanumanasana, the split. Selma has a beautiful way of weaving the story of Hanuman into the lesson. We finish by singing the mantra dedicated to Hanuman together—a beautiful experience.
The practice and mantra singing help me settle and channel all my emotions. I feel ready to share the meditation I’ve prepared with the group. For a moment, I feel my heart racing, but once I sat on Selma’s mat and looked around the room, I felt calm and thought, “This is the space I want to be in more often.”
The meditation went well. I glanced at my notes once but realised I don’t need to do that again. Afterwards, I received feedback from everyone about what they found inspiring and what they’d like to offer me. It was incredibly valuable and heartwarming to read—I felt uplifted.
Later, we learned about the Vedas, the ancient sacred texts that form the foundation of Hinduism. “Veda” means wisdom or truth, and it’s fascinating to discover what yoga encompasses beyond what we’re familiar with on the mat. Yoga is so much more than a physical practice.
On Saturday, we had a masterclass with one of Selma’s favourite teachers, Brittany. Wow, what an expert she is in anatomy, mobility, and muscles. With her unique enthusiasm, she guided us through exercises and showed us her approach to chaturanga. It was incredibly interesting, and I learned so much in a short amount of time. All this enthusiasm and new knowledge only make me hungrier to dive deeper into the subject.
Sunday began with the lessons we’d prepared in our intervision groups. It was so much fun! The class was divided into three parts, each lasting 20 minutes, and one by one, we stepped into the role of the teacher. Selma provided individual and group feedback. It was incredibly valuable to discuss our lessons and receive feedback already—now I know where I can improve.
After the lesson, we delved into pranayama: the breath and various breathing techniques. Again, in the role of teacher, we took turns teaching each other the breathing techniques in small groups. We ended the weekend with a cacao ceremony, where we meditated, visualised, and danced. By the end of this weekend, I felt a deep sense of happiness and connection with myself.
14. Deep friendships
During our last intervision meeting, I made plans with Sorcha to study together every Wednesday. Wednesdays have now become my favourite day of the week. We dive into the material, come up with class ideas we’d like to teach, and, most of all, get to know each other better. The connection that’s growing between us, also with Afra, is something special. In a short time, a deep friendship is forming. We share everything, there’s so much openness.
The journey you go through during the teacher training is hard to explain to people who aren’t part of it. The weekends feel like a bubble of yogic wisdom, inspiration, connection and love. That makes spending time with people from the training even more meaningful.
Lately, I’ve also been wondering what I’ll do when the training is over. The yoga weekends have become such an important part of my life. Especially as a form of self-care and time just for me. I feel a bit nervous thinking about the training ending, but I’m trying to focus on the idea that a new chapter is about to begin. What it will look like, I’m not sure yet.
15. Learning to Listen and Speak up
It’s Friday, 21 February, the start of our fifth yoga weekend. And once again, the timing couldn’t be better. The past weeks have brought their share of physical and mental challenges, so stepping into the comfort of the yoga bubble for a whole weekend feels extra welcome.
Today is also the day I’ll be giving hands-on during practice. Something we all get to practise during Selma’s class. This way we learn how to adjust safely, to observe the bodies in the poses. Luckily, I’d already rehearsed during intervision, so it doesn’t feel quite as nerve racking anymore.
This weekend is centred around the throat chakra, Vishuddha in Sanskrit. It’s all about speaking your truth, self-expression, and communication.
We dive into Samkhya philosophy and explore trauma informed yoga. One thing I keep learning through this teacher training, and especially in Selma’s classes, is that there’s no single ‘right’ way to do a pose. There are always options, and using props is not just okay, it’s wise. Your body feels different every day, and it’s so important to listen to that. That, too, is yoga. Even if you spend half the class in Savasana.
Besides trauma informed yoga, we keep returning to the intention behind each posture and how to practise and teach them in a way that supports safety and care.
On Sunday, we begin with what Selma calls a ‘circus class’ with the peak pose Astavakrasana. She calls it the circus side of yoga to remind us how important it is to play, to enjoy the process. That the learning and the build-up to the peak pose is just as meaningful as reaching the pose itself.
Later, in small groups of three, we prepare a yoga class and present the sequence to one another. It’s such a fun way to learn, and it’s lovely to slowly build up a collection of classes we might share in class in the future.
We end the weekend with a voice workshop from Selma. She asks us to say our name, starting very softly and gradually building to the loudest we can go. I’ve never screamed that loudly before without anger, sadness or any other emotion. It felt so freeing. We close the weekend with the mantra Govinda Jaya Jaya. I’ve never sung along so powerfully. I could feel the mantra vibrating through my whole body.
And just like that, the weekend is over. I feel emotional. Time flies! We have already completed the fifth weekend. Selma gives us the written exam to take home. We’ve got two months to complete, and I am excited to dive into it.
16. Asking for support
I’m glad it’s Wednesday today and I get to see Sorcha, my fellow training buddy, again. We’ve only known each other for five months, but I feel like she already knows me on a deep level. We can talk endlessly about everything and share a huge drive to get everything we can out of this yoga training and to truly understand every part of it.
We decide to visit other yoga schools together, talk to teachers, and to take a variety of classes to explore which teaching style suits me. I learn that I like to keep my classes simple and powerful, that I enjoy a nice flow and want to really feel the poses. I start to discover that fewer poses in a class brings me more.
This month, I also decide to go back to where it all began for me: Bikram Yoga. I take a class with my dear friend Ruben. The class is intense and I reflect on everything this form of yoga has given me. What a journey it has been ever since!
The past few weeks have had their ups and downs. I notice patterns in my life that I want to break through and I go through some deep emotions. I decide to reach out to Selma for 1-on-1 breathing sessions. It feels both scary and good to ask for help. But most importantly I know that with Selma I feel safe. She is so skilled at what she does and I trust that I’m in the right place with her at this moment in my life.
17. lessons beyond the yoga mat
It’s Friday 21 March: time for our yoga weekend. It couldn’t have come at a better moment, as I had my first 1-on-1 breathing session with Selma yesterday, and it’s still buzzing in my body.
This weekend is all about the third eye chakra: Ajna in Sanskrit. This chakra is linked to intuition, imagination, awareness and inner wisdom. We begin with a yoga class focused on intuitive movement: a Surya Namaskar A with our eyes closed to slow down or perhaps speed up and really turn inward. During this class, we also get our first introduction to energy locks, the bandhas.
What I find so inspiring about Selma’s classes is how inclusive they are. She always gives options and space to really feel each posture and explore what it brings up in you. I’m deeply grateful to be learning from her.
After class, we give each other presentations on mudras. We’ve each been assigned one to research. I share about the most well-known one: Anjali Mudra. Maybe the most recognisable hand position in yoga used to express gratitude, harmonise energy, and create connection. So fascinating to learn more about it. A mudra can be incredibly powerful!
On Saturday, we explore the upside-down world of headstands and handstands. I feel vulnerable during this class. I can’t let go and during savasana, the tears come. But Selma is there to gently bring me back into the moment. I feel so safe and held by the group that even crying doesn’t feel uncomfortable. Everything is welcome.
After class, we dive into the world of Ayurveda. Something I’ve really been looking forward to. Ayurveda is a traditional healing system from India that goes back centuries. It’s about finding your own balance, both physically and mentally. We learn about the three doshas: Pitta, Vata and Kapha, and fill in a questionnaire to discover which one is most dominant in us. For me, it’s clearly Vata. It brings so much insight, and once again I realise how much there is to learn. I want to go deeper into this someday.
After dinner (which was once again a treat), we join a dance workshop by Lútzen. Blindfolded, we move through the chakras using music as our guide. It was an incredible experience. At first it felt strange not to be able to see anything, but I quickly felt at ease and danced all my emotions out. This experience will stay with me for a long time. What a beautiful reminder of how freeing dancing can be.
On Sunday, we start the day with something fun Selma came up with: an asana cue quiz! One by one, we step onto the teacher’s mat and pick a paper with a pose on it. You’re not allowed to say the name of the pose, only guide the group into it using cues. I loved this! It was fun and really educational. We laughed a lot and discovered how challenging it is to give clear instructions. Selma gave some strong feedback on one cue I gave: looking up in upward facing dog. There are so many things I’ve been taught over the years that focus on appearance, rather than the purpose of the pose. Such a revelation.
After the quiz, we start preparing our final exam class. I’ve had my class in mind for months. I want to focus on heart-opening, using camel pose as the centre of the sequence. I still remember the moment I realised during this pose that yoga is about so much more than the physical. It feels like the full circle for me to teach this class. I can feel how ready I am. So excited to step into the teacher’s role. I’ve wanted this for so long.
18. Study Time, Breathwork, and Time with Fellow Yogis
After the sixth weekend, I had a week full of meetups with my fellow yogis: lunch with Sorcha, a lovely long dinner at Afra’s (she is such an amazing cook!!!), and a movie night with Selma, Sorcha, and Cat. We’ve also been extra active in our WhatsApp group, continuing the cue quiz. Every few days, Selma sends a new yoga pose, and we each take turns cueing someone into it. It’s such a fun and playful way to learn and to see family, friends, and colleagues from our group pass by on video.
On April 1st, it’s time for my second one-on-one breath session. I feel a little nervous, but also strangely excited. Curious to see what this session will bring.
I decide to trust Selma and tell her what came up during the previous session. Something from the past that I had buried deep, but the breath seemed to bring me back there last time. It’s time. Time to face that part of my past and allow myself to express the anger, helplessness, and sadness around it. As soon as we start the session, my body is taken over by the breath. I feel a deep, powerful rage move through me and let out a scream.
The scream gives way to tears, and then to a sense of calm and safety. It was intense, healing, and incredibly liberating. I thank Selma. I couldn’t have imagined a better person, place, or moment to go through this. That night, I slept for 11 hours. The next day, I feel lighter, and I see more softness in my face. A quiet calm has settled in me.
The last two weeks before the theory exam begin. Everything I’ve learned over the past few months comes back. Selma wants us to write the exam by hand. It’s a real challenge because it forces you to think extra carefully about what you want to write and there’s only limited space. I ended up writing really tiny. 🙂
The questions cover almost all the topics we’ve studied, but also ask how you want to teach authentically and what qualities you’ll bring with you as a yoga teacher. In the final days before the deadline, I suddenly feel very insecure and full of doubt. I reach out to Selma to share this. She invites me to give space to those feelings and to look back at the intention I set when I started the training. That really helps.
Just in time for the start of the 7th training weekend, I finish the exam. My uncertainty shifts into pride. Let the 7th yoga weekend begin!
19. “Will you sub my classes?”
Today is the start of weekend 7. Only one more to go after this. I feel much better than I did last weekend. I’m really looking forward to seeing everyone again and continuing to prepare for the practical exam.
We start, as always, with a check-in and then a class from Lútzen. So fun to get a class from him for once! I feel strong and manage to hold crow pose for a long time, almost effortlessly. So nice to feel that strength in my body. This training is making me physically stronger too, and I notice that in everything.
On Saturday and Sunday we practise teaching, our trial run for the practical exam. We draw names to see who teaches when. I’m scheduled for Saturday and will teach Cat.
I get to the studio on time to set everything up. And then it’s time I get to teach my trial class. Selma watches, which feels a bit tense at first, but I’m mainly curious to hear her feedback. As soon as my class starts, the nerves fade away. I notice that some things don’t go quite the way I want yet, but that’s okay. That’s what this is for.
After class, I feel really satisfied. Selma gives me feedback that I can actually use. It feels so special to notice that I really feel at home there on the teacher’s mat. There’s still so much to learn and grow in. Yoga is endless. I’ve honestly never enjoyed learning this much in my life. The idea that this learning might never really be ‘done’ gives me peace.
On Sunday, I get to receive Cat’s class. It’s amazing to see how everyone in our group is growing in their own way and now stepping into the teacher’s role. During her class, I try firefly pose for the first time and with her clear instructions, I actually manage it! She’s super excited and we laugh a lot together. After class I look around the room and suddenly think: wow, this yoga journey is almost coming to an end and look at where we all are now.
After class we dive into a topic I’d been looking forward to: tantra. Selma starts with some explanation what tantra is often associated with and where it actually comes from. Then we do two exercises.
The first one: walk through the room in a straight line, picking three points to go to, like you’re on a mission. I noticed I immediately went into this rushed mode, something I often do. It sometimes helps, but often it just doesn’t feel good. After a few minutes we close our eyes and feel what’s going on inside.
Then we do the exercise again, but this time we’re allowed to move however we want, not in straight lines. It’s really interesting to feel what happens in my body, tension slowly turning into relaxation.
The second exercise is about eye contact. You stand across from someone and use hand signals to show if the other can come closer, pause, or take a step back. This one hits home because I’ve been working a lot with the theme of boundaries. And here I get to feel what happens when someone actually listens to my boundaries. That feels really special.
And then, it’s time to close the weekend. While we’re tidying up, Selma comes over and asks me something: if I’d like to sub her classes in June while she’s away. She says I can think about it, but I don’t need to. I feel a big wave of excitement and say yes right away! So grateful she asked me. And also so exciting! What a beautiful way to end this weekend. I feel so happy.
20. AND JUST LIKE THAT… RISE AND FLOW IS BORN
On Monday morning after the yoga weekend, I wake up feeling happy, still glowing from the weekend. I’m proud to have completed the theory exam and excited that Selma asked me to cover her classes in June. It feels exciting and a bit nerve-wracking because Selma teaches in English, and I haven’t practised that yet. Time to get to work!
To prepare, I join one of Selma’s classes, notebook next to my mat to take notes. It’s incredibly helpful, no one gives instructions as clear and beautiful as Selma does. After class, Selma, Lútzen, and I grab lunch together. I love getting to know them both better, and it’s such a joy to fully immerse in yoga together. I could do this endlessly! I come home full of inspiration.
Because I’m going to teach, I need to register with the Chamber of Commerce. I start thinking about a name. And on 28 April, my business Rise and Flow is born! It feels like the start of something new. I’m overflowing with ideas and my mind is racing.
One week before the final yoga weekend, I practise my practical exam class in English a few times. And then I feel it: this isn’t the right class anymore. It doesn’t feel true to where I am now. Two days before the weekend, I decide to change it. Inspired by the last training weekend, I want to bring in the duality of Shiva and Shakti. I send Selma my new class plan just in time, and luckily she’s able to give feedback. On Thursday, I practise one more time with Afra and then I know. This is it. I’m ready for the exam weekend!
21. From First Step to Certification
Friday, May 16: the very last yoga weekend begins
I feel a wave of emotions moving through me. I’m nervous, excited to see everyone again. This is the weekend we’ve all been looking forward to. I feel like crying, like releasing it all, but I also feel so joyful and full of anticipation.
We start the day with Lara’s practical exam. It’s so special to witness how she truly made the class her own! So authentic. She did a great job and passed!
After class, we check in with each other. This time it feels different because it’s the last one. We’ve gotten to know each other so well by now, everything feels warm and safe. It’s not just a group of people doing a training. It really feels like a family. My yoga family.
After the check-in, we do a practice with Selma, as always. But this one has a special journey through all the chakras. We stay in Selma’s favourite pose for a long time: Mountain Pose. We’re given time to reflect, to ground, to feel and experience. After practice we enjoy dinner together and end the day.
Saturday exam day.
I’m paired with Ingeborg and go first. I feel more nervous than I expected, tension in my belly, but also a deep excitement. I’ve been looking forward to this for so long. The class went well and it felt completely right. Afterward, Selma sits with us to give feedback and tells me I passed!
I don’t have many words. I feel happy, relieved, and a bit disoriented. Suddenly the moment is over. I stay to follow Ingeborg and Sorcha’s classes, my intervision group. It’s so special to be there for their exams too. At the end of the day, we celebrate everyone passing. We hold each other and finally the tears come. Tears of release, pride, love. I’m proud of my fellow yogis, proud of Selma, and proud of myself.
Sunday certificate day
We’ve invited family and friends to celebrate with us. We start with a final practice. Selma asked us to bring a childhood photo. We sit in a circle and place all the photos on an altar in the centre. The practice is focused on the inner child. We play, we draw outside our mats. This last practice of the teacher training is one I will never forget.
Afterwards, we each write a letter to someone who was important to us during the training. Selma will eventually post them for us. I write to my partner, who was there for me and our family throughout these months. Writing the letter moves me deeply. So much has happened in the last eight months. We also write cards to each other. I wish I could write one to every single person.
Then we get ready for the ceremony. We decorate the space and change clothes. My partner and kids arrive. It’s such a joy to show the kids the yoga studio. They’re fascinated. I love seeing the friends and family of my fellow yogis. We’ve shared so many stories, and now everyone comes together. The atmosphere is warm and connected.
During the ceremony, Selma shares personal words with each person who receives their certificate. As always, her words hit home. I thank her for everything and share how glad I am that I waited to do a yoga training, because waiting led me to her.
I’ve learned so much from her, and I admire what she has created over the past eight months. We’ve all grown so much and been able to share so deeply. I’ve never met anyone who teaches the way Selma does. Her classes are beautifully structured around themes. They offer such calm and yet so much strength. Amsterdam and beyond now has nine well-prepared yoga teachers!
We end the ceremony singing Govinda Jaya Jaya together. Everyone joins in, even my kids, who already know the mantra well. I look around and feel deeply moved by so much connection.
After the ceremony, we enjoy one last potluck. And then it’s time to say goodbye. Luckily, we’ll see each other again in January and February when we do the Yin yoga teacher training with Selma. Something to already look forward to!
When I get home, there’s a flag hanging outside with my own yoga mat tied to it. My partner’s support throughout the training has meant the world to me, and the mat on the flag feels like the cherry on top. I’m so grateful. It takes a while for me to find rest and fall asleep. So much to process, to talk about, to enjoy all over again. What a journey.
22. A new chapter
It’s Monday, May 19th, the day after our final training weekend. I arrive at work and my colleagues giggle a little at my dreamy, glowing face. I’m still soaking in the magic of that special last yoga weekend.
I realise the training has officially ended, but at the same time, it feels like something new is just beginning. I suddenly have space to think about what’s next: my first classes at Yogaschool Noord as a teacher, and the ideas I have for my own business. I’m so excited I can hardly sleep. My mind is buzzing with possibilities. So I grab my yoga books, start writing, and begin mapping things out.
The weekend before I teach my first class, I call Selma to go over the sequence one more time. At the end of our chat, she asks if I’d like to be her assistant in the next teacher training. I fall silent for a moment. My heart starts beating faster. Wow. Yes, I want this! At the same time, I think of my partner and kids because it means being away for eight weekends again. I know I need to take a moment to feel into it and talk it over at home.
It feels like such an honour to be asked. And I believe this role fits me: my love for yoga, my deep desire to keep learning, and my background as a coach and trainer all come together in this. So, after a few days, I say a wholehearted yes. I’m excited to work alongside Selma and support the new group of yogis on their journey.
Then, on Sunday, June 1st, it’s time for my very first yoga class at Yogaschool Noord. I wake up with nerves but also a quiet readiness. I walk into the studio and see fourteen yogis waiting for me. It feels like a lot. As I sit down in front of the group, I can feel the nerves rushing through my body. Then I begin:
“Hi, my name is Carlijn and I will be here to guide you through your Sunday morning flow.” Phew. I said it.
While I’m teaching, time flies. Preparation really is everything. I could feel what was needed in the room and respond to it. After class, I feel relieved. It went well. Of course there’s room to grow, but for a first time it felt good. And I know right away: I want to do this more often.
Three weeks later, I’ve already taught eleven classes. Each one a little smoother, a little more me. I feel at home on the teacher’s mat. I’m full of ideas for future classes and dreaming of having a regular time slot. Until then, I’m happy to sub, to deepen my own practice, and keep walking this path.
Because this is only the beginning. The beginning of a new chapter.
Namasté,
Carlijn
Diary of a yogi
Carlijn is following the Vinyasa Yoga Teacher Training by Selma at Yogaschool Noord. Click here for more information about this training. Questions for Carlijn or about the training? Ask them here!